Most days if someone would ask me how I feel about diabetes,
I would say it’s fine, no big deal. Everyone
is dealing with something, and diabetes happens to be where my goat is tied.
But some days it is too much. The nonstop worry, guilt, stress, fear, and
questioning overwhelm you. You need a
break that will never come. You feel
inadequate and unable to master this disease and thus your own fate. You wish you were cursed with anything else
but this.
A few years ago I sat in on a workshop about de-escalation
and learned one of the basics was to acknowledge what the person in crisis was
feeling. It makes total sense.
Unfortunately as diabetics we deny ourselves this all the
time—the acknowledgement that it is a lot to handle. It isn’t cancer, it isn’t a terminal
diagnosis, and it’s manageable. We want
to minimize the stress and fretting of our loved ones, so we carry on and try
to normalize it. At least I do. I don’t want to bring anyone down, as if my
vulnerability is their burden.
But living with this condition is significant. It’s always there. It dominates my thoughts around every meal
and every workout and every drive and every date and every time out with
friends.
It’s hard, and we should give each other that much. Which is why I really appreciate Thursday’s topic and posts relating to Mental Health Month and coping.
On the worst days, some of the things that bring me down are
thoughts (if irrational) like this:
- Having to deal with this when none of my friends do is the worst thing in the entire world
- I am alone and no one understands
- I am failing at BS control, and the resulting complications and/or death will be my fault
- Diabetes has made me an inferior person
Dark stuff, right? What
I do to conquer these feelings and move on is at first acknowledge them. I accept that it is okay to feel them and
confirm that I am facing a challenging situation. In other words, I revel in self-pity.
After that phase has concluded I try to do things that make
me happy and calm. This can be very hard
to do at times because I’m having so much fun with the self-pity phase, but I know
it works every time so it’s just a matter of getting out and doing things such
as:
- Taking a walk
Walks are nice. Always. |
- Playing with my cat (or any animal that is readily available)
Someone super hates her Christmas accessories, which only serves to make it more endearing. |
- Making a delicious but somewhat healthy meal that makes me feel like I’m back on track
Curry would be super healthy but for the can of coconut cream that has basically a week's worth of calories. YUM! |
- Seeing family or talking with friends
Bonus: hanging with loved ones AND a furry animal! |
- Writing or journaling about what’s going on
- Going online to listen, learn from, and share with the wonderful diabetes community there
Diabetes won't give you a break, but you certainly deserve one. Go for it!!
In the beginning, I had this outlook that I didn't want my diabetes to be anyone else's burden, too. Over time, I've learned to lean on those around me. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that Frank, I appreciate it. :) It seems like the right direction to go, just hard to switch that mindset of total independence. Takes time I suppose, like all good things.
DeleteThank you.
ReplyDelete